The Life of an (ex)Lotion Pusher

Taking Something Old & Making It New Again

2010-10-05T21:04:00.001-07:00

Recently, my mom cleaned out her craft/hall closet and unearthed these pillowcases. She had bought them back in the 80's and just had never quite figured out what to do with them so she stuck them package and all in with the rest of her embroidery stuff where they sat for the next 20+ years. I guess that is lucky for me for they are now mine! Since I am in the process (well almost done actually) of my bedroom decor redo, this was an awesome project to take on.

They started out as plain white envelope pillowcases with white on white embroidered floral cutouts (as you can barely see in the before shot (which wasn't so before since I had started embroidering that case when I remembered I needed to take a before shot)). I decided to use floss in colors that complimented the new bedspread and art in my & J's room and embroider around all the detail in these cases. I am super proud of the results. They will totally POP (all in caps for a POPPING effect) and add that level of hand craftiness that I love. They especially go with the new bed frame I bought the other day (white enamel cast iron with brass detailing. Gotta love Craigslist when you get the deal of the century on something). Well they will go with everything when I get the second one done. I will admit doing the duplicate of something seems to be my downfall. I get so swept up in the creating of something but when it comes to replication, my attention starts to wan. This is just not with projects, it's with most things I do. Yay for newness, not so yay for repetition.

Well, I have just pissed the evening away, screwing around online, posting my first item for sale on Etsy, making a banner for said Etsy shop and now blogging so I don't think I will be working on embroidering that second one tonight....see what I mean about my attention span?

Blue Tonsils - An Update from a Infected Home

2010-09-02T11:18:00.001-07:00

Little known fact: Grape popsicles + pus tonsils = Blue tonsils!!!!

Do you know how difficult it is to take pictures of your own tonsils with your cell phone camera and holding a mag lite? It is not easy my friends, not easy. This is one of the best shots I got, which really only shows the tops of my tonsils but rest assured the blue goes all the way down them. Yay for blue tonsils!

And I assure you, I have done nothing with a smurf.

But I do feel slightly better today and my fever has broke (I am currently at 97 degrees!!!! I was at 96 for a little bit but I got it up to 97) and I am hoping that it means that the sweats will not come back. I am so tired of feeling like I am laying in dampness. Also, 800 milligram ibuprofen really does knock you out and will allow you to sleep where sleep was not available before. it is amazing what 4 hours of solid sleep can do when you haven't gotten more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep at a time since Monday night.

This update was brought to you by purple popsicles, 800 milligram ibuprofen and heaty pads.

Oh, Yeah, That Apron...

2010-05-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

Here's the pics of the apron I made a few months back. Every time I wear it it reaffirms my belief that cats are evil and puppies are angels.

2 Crafts / 1 Week

2010-05-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

How many crafts can I pick up in a week? While at Michaels last night checking out the cake decorating class schedule, I got swept away in the bead section and decided to make a new necklace to wear to work today. I thoroughly enjoyed this project, as basic as it was, and now am planning my next jewelry adventure (it's going to involve ribbon!).

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

This Mother's Day I decided to try my hand at something new. Something I have always admired but have never attempted: Cupcakes!

I love cupcakes. I don't particularly love to eat them as I am more of a pie person but I love to look at them. I have books on cupcakes, cupcake picture frames, cupcake ribbon, cupcake iron on transfers, cupcake canisters, a cupcake shaped cookie jar, cupcake dessert plates, I even have a mechanical pencil with Hello Kitty holding a cupcake. I love cupcakes. I just think that they are so damn cute.

A couple of the cupcake books I own are Hello Cupcake! and it's recently released sequel What's New, Cupcake? The authors of these books are genius. They show you how to make the most amazing cupcakes simply, using every day ingredients in new ways (did you ever think that you could take rice crispies, a couple of pink & orange fruit chews and a strip of green licorice, throw it on top of a cupcake and make a person think that they are looking at fried rice?). I mean it is all relatively simple and you come up with awesome results. So after months of flipping through these books (and sitting next to the ever crafty Erin, who also owns these books and decorates cakes for any and every occasion) I decided I was going to take the plunge and whip up some cupcakes of my own.

My mother loves this almond poppy seed raspberry filled cake she gets at Thriftway. So I decided not only to bake cupcakes for the first time but that I would make jelly filled cupcakes with chocolate butterflies. Sounds like a pretty arduous task, but actually it ended up being one of the funnest things I have done in a long time. I love it. Watching the butterflies take shape and putting the little swirls in them, making the perfect shade of yellow frosting. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't without its snafus (my ability to frost something does leave something to be desired and the sun melting the antennae during transportation did not fill me with joy) or without a seriously messy kitchen (oh, who am I kidding? My kitchen is always messy. It is just now messy with frosting and chocolate). But I loved every minute of it! I think I see cake decorating classes in my very near future.

I actually am quite proud of this accomplishment. I thought I would crash and burn but instead I managed quite nicely. In the past year, I have really been trying to take strides to do crafts and prove myself to be a "crafty" individual as I hail from a long line of super crafty people (and I married into a family of super crafty people as well) and if I want to continue to hang with these people (or claim relations) I need to step my craft up. I taught myself how to crochet, finishing a couple of scarves and starting a blanket (sorry to say but finishing is not my strong suit). I learned how to embroider, finishing a really cute "cats are evil/puppies are angels" half apron and have another embroidering project sitting in my craft basket waiting to be stitched. I didn't newly learn how, but I refreshed my skill at flower arranging, doing my own flowers at my wedding. And now I am learning the wonderful world of cake decorating (which thankfully, plays into my short attention span since it only takes hours to complete each project, not weeks). Maybe I will end up being "crafty" after all!

If you are lucky enough to be my friend on Facebook and are longing for more, you can log on and see more pics of the Monarch cupcakes and the flower arrangement I made for my mom today. I'm going to try to post pics of the apron I embroidered later on this week.

My Obsession with Cirque Du Soleil

2010-04-11T20:08:00.001-07:00

Last night Jason, Jessica, Rich and I went to see the new Cirque Du Soleil show that is in town, Kooza. It was amazing. It was the 4th CDS show I have seen and I would go to it every night if I could afford it. The things people can do with their bodies is amazing...freakish...but amazing. The show was funny, awe inspiring and highly entertaining. People, if you have a chance to go to CDS, whip out your Visa and get your ass there. You will leave mouth agape and seriously wondering why you hadn't forced your parents to enroll you in circus school.

Later on it got Jason and I thinking about taking a vacation to Las Vegas, which is something I never thought I would ever say. I am not the Vegas type of person. I hate overly crowded places, I don't gamble because I would much rather have a new purse on my arm than drop money in some machine and I hate the super hot/super air conditioned ratio you get there. It is just not my scene. Been there once and that was enough but.....they have 7 CDS shows running there. 7 freakin' shows!!!! I can watch a different show every night for a week. HEAVEN!!! It could only be better if they made a really dark CDS about serial killers and it starred Matthew Gray Gubler (I love you my TV husband). I have no idea what I would do during the day, but my nights would be occupied with all the acrobat/contortionist goodness I could handle. At almost $100 per person, per show, it's going to cost over $1500 for just Jason and I (although we ruled out CDS Elvis as I don't think I could take a few hours of that) but we can score a discount if we have 12+ people....so who's with us??!!! Who wants to go to Vegas for a week just to watch Cirque shows? I promise it will be the time of your life!!!!! If you don't have a CDS obsession already, this is a good way to kick off one! Just let me know if you are down and we can start saving together. It might take us a year and there will probably be another show by then (hopefully my Criminal Minds inspired idea will take off), but it will be way worth it.

One other thing that happened post CDS last night......
On the way back to the max stop, we were dodging traffic on Front Avenue and I have to admit when it comes to playing live action frogger, I am all for myself. I view the situation at hand, determine if there is enough time for myself to make it across without having to run like an idiot and start crossing, really not even concerned if the others I am with can make it across as well. When we get to the other side Jason points this out and I tell him I am simply trying to thin the herd and save humanity from all the slow street crossers out there. Jason then reminds me that we are a herd of two and if I ever want to make this herd any bigger, I better make sure it doesn't get any smaller. And since I am looking forward to growing our herd later this year, I better learn how to mind traffic for others and not just for myself. Lesson learned. I mean, I guess it is better for me to learn this prior to the expansion than afterward. I can't really expect a toddler to keep up with me. Well...maybe that would be good training for circus school....I can't let my child feel deprived some 20 years later when they leave a CDS show. They could become freakish traffic dodgers....maybe I won't be mindful after all and I could get free CDS shows for life!!!! YES!!!

You've Got To Be Kidding Me...

2010-02-28T21:09:00.000-08:00

I have been lusting over the new PS3 game Heavy Rain since I first saw an advertisement for it over 6 months ago. I don't even own a PS3 and I became obsessed with reading everything possible about this game. I watched trailers, read clips, articles, interviews with the people behind the magic. I counted down the days til its release along side every PS3 owner in the world. And, let me reiterate, I don't even own a PS3. Not because I don't like the games or the way the system plays. I have owned all of PS3's predecessors and loved playing games on them. There have been games that have came out only for this console that looked amazing (I'm talking about you, Little Big Planet!) but the moment I saw a YouTube video of some game action for Heavy Rain, I was pushed over the edge. There would be no lusting at the sidelines for me. PS3 and I were no longer going to just make googly eyes at each other in the aisle at Best Buy and Heavy Rain is what was going to bring us together. And that's what brings us to today.

Today, the beautiful man I get to call my husband, decided he was going to buy me a PS3 (probably to stop me from yammering and from drooling in Best Buy). So after a trip to GameStop, Game Trader (which if you live in Beaverton, it is the best little game shop!), Best Buy and then all the way down to Fry's, I was a proud mother of a PS3 console (it's name is DeeryLouToo and we are registered at Amazon.com) and a copy of Heavy Rain. I drop the hubby off at home to get it all set up for me while I continue to run errands with my mom. Finally, I get home and settle in for some seriously Heavy action. I admire my new machine, take the game out of it package and slide it in. I download the necessary updates and am ready to dive into game play when I get an error having to do with the trophies feature of the PS Network. We look online and discover......THE WHOLE FREAKIN' PLAYSTATION NETWORK IS DOWN ALL OVER THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!! YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!!!

I have the game in my possession. I have the console to play the game. I can hold them, sniff them, even lick them but I can't play them. And Playstation hasn't even formally released what the issue is or an approximate ETA as to when we can expect it to be fixed. Of all the days for PSN to crash. I just want to play my video game.

Damn you, Playstation! You shat on what should have been a beautiful ending to a beautiful Sunday. Preventing the full union of a girl and her video game. Playstation, you should be ashamed.

For those of you who have not seen or even heard of *gasp* Heavy Rain, here is a taste of what is bound to be one of the most innovative games to ever hit the market:

The Haunting

2010-02-24T20:14:00.000-08:00

It is no secret that I don't like cats. I detest cats. Cats could disappear off the face of the Earth tomorrow and I would not be saddened at all. Well, there is one exception....I love my grandmother's cat, Francois. But he's more like a dog (I know it sounds weird but he was raised with a plethora of dogs, is orange and HUGE and is declawed and he can bark. Well..... he would bark if he was capable. He is just that awesome). So, it goes to say that unless Francois moves in, I will not own a cat. That does not mean that one doesn't live with me.

I love my husband and when you start cohabitating you merge your lives, your belongings and your animals. I brought 2 dogs (now 3) and a fish named Taco (who, much to my dismay, passed a few months ago). He brought Beeza, his cranky, bitchy cat. Now don't get me wrong, I gave Beeza a fair shot at home happiness and prior to Jason and I moving into the home where we currently live, Beeza and I got along just fine. In fact for a while, she even preferred me to Jas and aside from a couple of peeing on my clothes incidents, I was actually beginning to change my views on the feline species. That all quickly changed when we moved into the place we currently rent. Then I began to see that Beeza didn't prefer me at all, she just thought she could dominate me in the little apartment that she saw as her turf. Now, on new ground, with new animals to compete with, she turned into the true She-Beast she is. She has peed on things, clawed the shit out of me (and Jas), shat in front of me and then purred as I cleaned it, made ungodly noises and pretty much did anything and everything she could to prove that cats should be eradicated. I know, I know. All the changes, she was bound to act out. But I have limits and there is only room for one bitch in this house and her name is Jennifer.

Needless to say Beeza is now an outdoor cat.

She moved to her new realm about 2-3 months after moving here. No, I didn't force the cat outside. Maybe I did mention it once or twice (okay, daily) but ultimately, it was Beeza who made the decision to live in the backyard. And let me clarify, I am not completely heartless to her. When its really cold, I try to get her to come in. When I see scary raccoons or hear her fighting with another cat, I try to break it up (and that's not just because I don't want to amass vet bills). I even feed her treats every now and then. Not that any of this matters to Beeza (or Bitcha as I have been known to call her). I can give her a big bowl of food and then try to pet her and get swiped at or howled at. She really is an ungrateful cat who acts just like a woman scorned. Na na na na Beeza, I stole your man and as much as you thought an interspecies love affair was happening, Jas never loved you that way.

This back story brings me to my current dilemma. Beeza has prayed to the evil cat gods and has had a hell cat sent to join her in her backyard kingdom. It started a few nights ago, Jas and I were hitting the sack early since we both had to get up for work Monday prior to the crack of dawn. We were just settling in when we heard it. This loud cat meow. I am not talking about the cute meow, meow but a loud "wake the fuck up right now" meow. First thought was that Beeza had got in the house and was trapped in a room somewhere. So we both hauled our asses out of bed and went in search of the cat. We searched high and low and came up with nothing so we figured it must be something going on outside and just let it go. But when Jas woke up, a new white and black cat was sitting at our backdoor, with Beeza sitting not 5 feet from it in her cat carpet tree bed thing, doing NOTHING to protect our land! It then scampered off, like it was just there to let us know that it is here and there is nothing we can do about it. It has since made the evil meow sound a crap ton of times, bolting me out of sleep at 3am and one time it was just sitting on our deck staring. It is creepy and of course Beeza is not doing anything because she summoned it here to annoy me even further. She knows I can't do anything about the annoying hell beast since anything I do could possibly harm her and Jas would harm me if something happened to his cat. She turned out to be a bigger bitch than I thought was possible.

Hello, my name is Jenn and I am being haunted by a hell cat.

WTF???!!!

2010-02-16T19:56:00.000-08:00

My stupid blog will not let me respond to comments!!! To Jason with regards to his post on "My New Favorite Thing":

Don't say bad things about CDO!!!! Did you not see the deathlights he has underneath his blooming shirt???!!! He can send Pennywise after you and turn into a giant spider. CDO is magical in many ways!!!

There. I got it out. Damn you Blogger for making me go about commenting this way!

My New Favorite Thing

2010-02-15T00:46:00.000-08:00

This is not new, but obviously nobody loved me enough to share this with me when it first went viral in December 2008. I just caught a fraction of it on the end of a rerun of Web Soup tonight and with seeing just a morsel we immediately had to go online and see the glory that is Chris Dane Owens. I am not going to say anymore, you just need to watch the video (complete with ring wraiths). I think Jane Kim from the Examiner said it best "Imagine if Xena and Brett Michaels had a baby that was born atop a unicorn galloping towards a pirate ship?"

After viewing this, make sure to visit his website at www.chrisdaneowens.com and check out the "Press" area for complete reviews. I am particularly fond of the vh1 and the aforementioned Examiner reviews.

Seriously, I think we need to start a fundraiser to raise the money for the 2nd and 3rd installments. This is just to precious for it not to completed. I need to know if Frodo will again trek to Mordor, if Jack stops the Lord of Darkness, if ET will phone home, if the White Witch will rule again, if the girls from The Craft will rise once more, if Willow kills Bavmorda, if Wesley will give her all she wished for, if Bret Michaels really found his Rock of Love and if in the end of the 3rd video Gunnar Nelson, I mean CDO, goes back through the wardrobe and ends up at his house in the Shire.

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T10:07:00.000-08:00

Today is probably my favorite holiday of the year. Not because of its Hallmark sappiness but because every where you walk it is pink and hearts. It's a holiday that was designed with me in mind!

Today is going to be awesome. I got up and put the sauce on (I am making homemade sauce to go in the homemade lasagna I am making later), J and I exchanged gifts (media, media and more media), I am meeting Rach-O at the spa for facials and then I am rushing back home to layer the lasagna and get it cooking before mom gets here for dinner. I couldn't ask for a better day.

Happy Valentine's Day to one and to all, even if all you like it for is the decorations.

Vintage Pup

2010-02-07T21:22:00.001-08:00

I took this picture of my BB (Baby Bob) today on my new cell phone and edited it to make it look like an older picture. BB was not fully cooperating when taking his picture (and it doesn't help that I was laying on the sofa with him and woke him to stick a camera in his face) but all in all it ended up cute. All hail the BB!

Starting a New/Old Job

2010-02-04T17:23:00.000-08:00

So I got the paperwork today. I am starting at my new/old job either on Monday or Tuesday of next week. I am so excited! Going back to a new/old job is awesome. I get the benefit of already knowing pretty much everyone, where the kitchens and the bathrooms are but I get the newness of a new position and learning new things. I can't wait! One week of unemployment was about all I could take!

That being said my new purse is in the process of being shipped to my house as I type this! Yay for purses!

My Beautiful Lunch....

2010-02-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

Every time I get udon soup from Best Teriyaki, I admire the presentation. I love it when my food looks pretty and this soup is no exception. Plus it tastes amazing and warms my belly on icky cold, wet days like today. I think I could eat this every day during the winter months.

If you are ever looking for a good udon noodle soup and see a Best Teriyaki, stop in and try it. The location I frequent is the one by the Beaverton Town Center. I am certain there are other places that make really amazing soup, but for a large serving that is relatively inexpensive (around $7.00 with chicken), this really can't be beat. I can't vouch for anything else there since this is all I have tried that they serve, but I love it and there is a strong possibility this will be my lunch tomorrow as well.

Mmmm......lunch tomorrow....

Scrabble

2010-02-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

Last night I quit playing Scrabble with my husband for good. Now don't get me wrong, I love Scrabble and pretty much any other word game but I am tired of always getting my ass handed to me . Now some may say I am being a sore loser but in my defense, my husband pretty much refuses to ever play any kind of trivia game with me (apart from watching Jeopardy) because he cannot even remotely keep up with me. So with that in mind, I am doing to him what he does to me and refusing to lose to him.

I don't want you to think that I simply cannot spell and that is why I am always losing, actually it is the opposite. I am good with words and can usually always find a 20pointer somewhere lurking within my letters. But J on the other hand, has the Scrabble god always on his side. We'll be neck and neck, each turn just finishing slightly ahead of the next person and then all of sudden, the Scrabble god will whisper sweet nothings in his ear and the next thing I know, he has played his next two turns, each time gaining 50+ points for each word and oh yea, he used all his letters (a point bonus there) and there was none left in the bag so he wins. Meanwhile I am sitting there with the X and the V and a myriad of vowels that I just drew on my last turn, just shaking my head wondering where I made the wrong move that allowed this to happen. And this is when we are playing Scrabble through Facebook. Don't even think of playing Scrabble with him the old fashioned way. Not only will the same scenario I just outlined above play out but he will also tell you how he can add "er" onto every word or some other ridiculous grammatical rule that so is NOT true but if you try to rebut this, he will then challenge you to a 15+ minute argument until you just give in to cease fire. So not only do you still lose but it is all questionable and you leave the board feeling like he word raped you. Yea, I said word raped you.

So I am done. I have lost to him for the last time. I even dropped out of a community game we were playing with other people because I can't stand to see him do this atrocity to others. If you are reading this and have never played Scrabble with Mr. Smarty Pants, beware. You will lose and he will gleefully laugh about how he kicked your ass. And then he will turn around and offer you to play again. Talk about kicking you while you are down. And if you do take him up on his offer, don't say I didn't warn you.

By the way, I am looking for normal, average, non-people who-sold-their-soul-to-always-win-at -Scrabble, people to play with. Find me on Facebook. I promise a good, clean game where no one feels like the got screwed in an uncomfortable place (and I am not talking about the back seat of a Volkswagen).

Image used without permission (http://adventuresofmolli.blogspot.com/)

February 2nd......

2010-02-02T17:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Groundhog's Day to one and to all!

Day 2

2010-01-31T19:42:00.000-08:00

Day 2 of my unemployment....it was nice to get to spend an entire weekend with my husband, even if I didn't quite feel like myself. I guess I never realized how much my job (not particularly this last one, but a job in general) anchors me. I just feel like I am free falling and have no idea if there is a net at the bottom to break my fall. So while I am so relieved to be out of that job and away from the whole situation, I feel lost knowing that tomorrow is Monday and I will still be sitting here while the rest of the world heads off to work. It is totally my plan to make finding a job my new full time job but it is not the same and doesn't earn a paycheck. And the nagging question that keeps popping into my head is: How will I afford purses now???!!!! That is such a scary thought. I mean screw bills, what about a new bag for spring???!!!

My job is usually my sanity and what keeps me occupied for at least 8 hours a day. I am not a great housekeeper as I am more motivated for online shopping (well, any type of shopping really) than to do the dishes, I don't do yard work as that is something I'd rather pay somebody to do (actually I feel that same way about housework) and I would rather buy new clothes than wash the ones I currently own. I know that all sounds ridiculous and shallow but I have always been that way and you either love me or hate me. I really was destined to be a wealthy princess but obviously there was some mix up at the hospital when I was born since I have never been wealthy and my family never bent to my demands to be referred to only as Princess Jenn. In other words supreme laziness when it comes to chores and my desire for power shopping at every waking moment (I do see it as a competitive sport) are not helpful so besides being a necessity for just being able to have a middle class life, having a job is what also helps me just do something/anything productive. If I have a place I have to be, I will be there and ready to do the bidding of some upper management figure but without that (or an endless supply of money), I will just sit on the couch and watch my ass grow.

So starting tomorrow all my focus will be on getting a job. And while my ass may grow in this process (since a lot of it will take place on this sofa, with this laptop), I know that it will all lead to something that will save me from myself and provide me with stability and a paycheck once more.

And then that purse I have my eye on will be mine!

Sometimes Karma Repays You Quickly.....

2010-01-30T18:17:00.000-08:00

The train wreck quit her job tonight....HA HA HA! Guess her big "if you're quitting, I'm staying" mocking/mantra only lasted a day!

"I'm quitting" "I'm staying if you're leaving" "I'm quitting" All within 24 hours. I think all parents will recognize this as the classic signs of a temper tantrum commonly seen with 3 year olds. Except the 3 year old is 22 and has an authority complex. Man, that job really was like babysitting!

Today my Life Starts Anew,,,,

2010-01-29T23:03:00.001-08:00

So maybe not completely anew but I did tell my job to fuck off. After listening to one of my employees fabricate an entire story and know that today was my boss' last day, who happened to be the only person who was completely aware of all of the issues going on in my shop, I resigned (effective immediately). It was in the form of a message left on the regional manager's voicemail saying that I would not be back due to all the SHIT I have had to put up with over the last year. And then I got to answer the phone when said employee (whom shall always be referred to as Super Snatch for the rest of my lifetime because that is truly what she is) called me and I got to tell her to FUCK OFF, STUPID BITCH, NEVER CALL ME AGAIN!! since by that time I had already called and quit. I would wish her to be hit by a rather large vehicle but just having to be her pathetic ass has to be hell enough as it is, I mean her own mother-in-law-to-be (well if she could pressure her suitor into marrying her, so far her DAILY not so subtle hints have not motivated him to do it and you would think he would from sheer annoyance. I mean if I was getting begged/hounded like that poor bastard I would probably give in just to shut the person up. Well that or bitchslap the person, but that's me.) wrote letter to maybe-to-be fiance pleading with him not to marry or continue dating her since she is such a train wreck (and I don't just mean her looks)....

anyways.....

I am now an unemployed Lotion Pusher with barely a cent to her name and have no clue as to where I am going but I am happy. And that is something I haven't been in a long time.

Image from one of the greatest websites of all time www.nataliedee.com. Check it out, you'll be glad you did.

As the Bruise Turns....

2010-01-28T19:35:00.000-08:00

Day 5....it just keeps growing and growing (it is now at 6 inched long by 4.5 inches wide).....Picture A is just up close picture. Picture B is so that you can see the size in relation to the dogs. Maybe my leg needs amputation after all...

Congratulations!

2010-01-27T16:21:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to my brother and his expecting wife!!!! I promise I will not let you down in the Aunt department.

PS - Aryan, did Rob mention he was born with a tail? Just thought you would like to be prepared...

Is That Toasted Corn in my Burrito?

2010-01-27T14:25:00.000-08:00

Today on my way home from hell on Earth, I mean work, I stopped at Taco Bell to drown my stresses in faux beef smothered with cheese whiz wrapped in a tortilla aka a cheesy double beef burrito.

And it tasted like corn nuts.

Either I'm having an off taste bud day or I should be concerned.

Very concerned.

The Bruise Goes On...

2010-01-25T18:06:00.000-08:00

Day 3 from the whole slipping on the way into the shower incident. The bruise is darker, larger but turning that lovely shade of yellow that let's me know it's at least healing and my leg won't need to be amputated.

Woe is me.....

2010-01-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

Why does it always seem that when one aspect of your life is going so perfectly, the other side is unraveling?

At home, I have the best husband a gal could ask for, and while the place we live in is nowhere near ideal, we are making strides to change it with a move planned in the next few months and redecorating under way. Really, when I get home, I don't think it is possible to be happier.

But at work, I am miserable. I love being a lotion pusher. I love working with people and talking about skin and ingredients. I spent a small fortune on my education and I love that I am able to use it on a daily basis (making those $200+ loan payments seem not so bad). But I can't stand where I work. Don't get me wrong, I love my boss and think the world of her (I can honestly say she is one of the best bosses I have ever had and I feel lucky to have met her) but there is so much crap always going on in the shop due to people's immaturity and lack of business ethics/personal responsibility. I never get a day off without my phone blowing up with the girls arguing with each other or tattle-telling on everything. If one of them so much as breathes wrong, I get a call. They gang up on each other and it seems to rotate week to week on whose on the outs with who. They overexaggerate everything and when you try to stay medium because you can honestly see that both sides are utterly ridiculous, they yell at you and get mad because you aren't siding with them. Majority of the time I feel like a babysitter and a referee. Almost all of the time I feel helpless and like a "bad mommy".

The corporation I work for has proven ineffective. Even when you discipline the employee according to the corporate disciplinary matrix, all the employee has to due is complain to HR that it was in just and that they are getting picked on and it all gets swept under the rug (even if you provide them documentation backing up your reasoning) and the manager gets in trouble for being too aggressive. So even though said manager is held accountable to certain rules and standards, they have no power to really in force anything. And once one figures this out, they all know. As one of my employees stated: You could pretty much do anything short of murder and not get in trouble or fired for it here. And with that knowledge, they proceed to do whatever the fuck they want. And it gets better because each of them honestly feels that whats okay for them, is not okay for the other. For example, its okay for one of them to be late, but if someone else (whomever is on the outs that week usually) is late, they blow a gasket and are texting me and calling me to complain and that person's head better be on a stake outside the store by the end of the shift. Or they feel like it is okay to confront anyone and everyone who complains about them but the second they get confronted for the same thing it is "attitude" and they are not dealing with it. Basically, the store is filled with pots and kettles and they are all calling each other black.

In all, it makes me feel like a horrible person. I have never had to deal with this much crap at any other job I have ever had (and I make less now than I have in 8+ years). And I have seen a lot in the past 14+ years I have been working. I know I am not a bad person or the bitch that all my employees call me behind my back (yes, they run and tell on each other on that too) and that it is all because I try to in force rules (no, you cannot read magazines at the counter; yes, you must take the trash out at the end of the night; etc.) And its not like I make them do anything that isn't in their job description but I am treated like I am the mega beast who has them slaving away for no pay with no breaks and having to perform ungodly acts. And it is all weighing on me heavily. The stress level is so high that as I sit here, I feel like I have to vomit because I dread having to go there. It makes me physically ill at the thought of having to go to work. I can barely turn my head because my muscles are so tight/tense. I just can't do it any more. I cannot continue to be harassed by snotty 20 year olds who wouldn't survive a day in a real workplace and have my hands tied to be able to do anything about it. If this was at one of my previous companies, these girls would be told to suck it up and deal with it or get the fuck out. And I seriously long to say that to them. Suck it up, you aren't always friends with everyone you work with, no you cannot always speak your mind, most of the time you have to deal with your co-workers shit and come out with a smile on your face and mostly I want to scream: IT'S A FREE MOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY! NOBODY HOLDS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND MAKES YOUR DUMB ASS WORK HERE! IF YOU HATE YOUR JOB SO FUCKING MUCH, GO FIND A NEW ONE! ITS A REALLY SIMPLE SOLUTION TO YOUR NOT-SO-OVERLY-COMPLICATED PROBLEM!

I am on my way out from this job whether I quit or am fired. In the past, the thought of being canned really frightened me and scared the bejesus out of me, but at this point, I feel so beaten down and broken from this experience, that I just don't care anymore. I JUST DON'T CARE. Which is so unlike me because I have always overly cared about my job and my standing with it. I love work and doing a great job like a fat kid loves cake. But I am done with feeling like a failure and like I should slit my wrists. And I know it's a free country and no one makes me go to this job everyday except that unlike my employees who either live with their parents or boyfriends that make bank, I have bill collectors that hound me with the promise to strip me of everything. So for the sake of my home-happiness I can't just up and quit. And while I have something in the works, it is just not working fast enough for me. I want to be able to walk out of that store and never return today. I want to turn around at the entrance and scream: FUCK YOU BITCHES! and walk on out and never have to speak or see any of them ever again. I left a great job to take this one because it was my "passion" but it has killed what I love, chewed me up and left me bitter and vile. And for some reason, even though I feel like roadkill, on the verge of purging my breakfast, suffering from locked up muscles and tears rolling down my fat cheeks, I still feel obligated to go there because the one thing this hell on earth hasn't killed is my work ethic.

Jenn: broken spirit, fucked up sense of worth, awesome work ethic.

Oh, lucky me.

And the Bruise Continues.....

2010-01-23T21:29:00.000-08:00

I never knew my skin was capable of turning such shades, but as you can see the bruise not only continues to grow darker but larger as well. And all I can think of is the line from Drop Dead Fred when he tells Snot Face that she looks like a "Big Bruise". I love that movie!

Blythe....

2010-01-23T18:07:00.001-08:00

so sad.....so terribly sad....My Blythe...my doll soul mate.....someone else won her...or is winning her at the moment but nonetheless the bids are higher than my checkbook can go so she is gone....A part of me is dying....today should be remembered as a national day of mourning...the day someone stole my Blythe from me and turned me into a bitter old hag. I hope Blythe comes alive in the winner's house and eats their face off. Would teach them right from separating us. First I fall getting into the shower and now this. Today SUCKS!!!!

This Is What Falling in the Shower Looks Like...

2010-01-23T15:51:00.000-08:00

Now I know this bruise looks cool and all. So cool in fact you probably want to go out and get your own shower bruise, but let me tell you, falling in the shower (or as you are getting into it) is not as glamorous as it looks. Those shades of blue and purple and awesome swelling cannot be replicated so, folks, please don't try this at home.

Blythe! Blythe! Blythe!

2010-01-19T22:28:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted on here in forever and trust me, it is for good reason (i.e. getting married, honeymoon in Hawaii, business trip in FL, my brother's wedding in CA, swine flu, new mario for the wii and working thru the most hellish holiday season in retail history to name a few) but I am going to make a point to try to be more frequent as blogging is probably a lot saner than talking to myself. At least with blogging I can pretend there is an audience listening/reading.

If you know me, you know that I get obsessed with things pretty often (be it actual objects or projects/hobbies). And not just the "oh I would like to have that" but the straight out feel-like-I-am-going-to-die-if-I-don't-have-it kind of obsession and i run the gamut of things to be obsessed over. In the last few months things I have coveted have been:
*Coach purse: Brooke in cherry
*Coach Sunglasses: tasha in burgundy (they are so hot!)
*Laura Mercier Creme De Pistache body lotion & scrub, and her neroli perfume
*A plethora of Aveda products
*Crocheting
*Embroidering (especially with patterns from Sublime Stitching)
*Owning a Cricut Machine (and I will own one someday and make die cut everything!)
*Redecorating our family room (this encompasses searching for a new TV, coach, recliner, coffee table, etc.)
*Redecorating our bedroom
*Decorating my office
*Dieting/detoxing
*My hair (trying to find pictures of the perfect cut and color)
and these are just the things I can remember off the top of my head (and are in addition to the things I just am generally always obsessing over). I know I drive my husband and friends crazy with the way I bounce around from object of desire to object of desire and they most likely get sick of all the talking I do about them (and the stupid wistful look I get on my face while doing said going on and on) but it is one of the "quirky" things they love about me (right????!!!!). Typically, after checking web pages of objects daily (sometimes even multiple times a days) I either purchase the item or find something else that replaces it and/or steals my attention (I have a very short attention span anyway). I know I have just outlined the definition of someone having an obsessive/compulsive disorder but frankly my dear, I just don't give a damn.

This brings me to my latest object du jour....Blythe. Blythe was a doll that Kenner manufactured for 1 year (1972) and then was pulled from production because the doll was deemed "too scary" for children (she has a fairly large head and giant peepers that change color and direction with the pull of a string). Fast forward to the late nineties/early '00s, when the doll was reintroduced into the Japan market and became a smash with a cult-like following. I first saw one of these online a few months ago and had to know what it was. I thought she was cool and such but felt no instant, overwhelming desire to possess a Blythe of my own. I did however, catalog it into my general obsessions categories and would do random searches for her when I couldn't think of anything else to surf for. And that's how i found her....the Blythe doll I have to have or I will die.

See, Blythes come from the factory all cute and such but a lot of people out there take her and customize her by repainting, handmade clothes, new eye chips, etc. and it is these custom ones that fascinate me (and make me green with envy on their amazing talent). The Blythe I have picked out makes me squeal (yes, I am using the word squeal) with delight every time I look at her pictures. She is my doll soul mate and we need to be together. The auction (currently I am the reigning high bidder) doesn't end until Saturday and the anticipation is driving me crazy. And J too (well, technically I am making him crazy as is the thought of my paying the high price tag for something he finds slightly creepy). I just have to win this doll or I think the world is going to end.

I am fully aware of how ridiculous this all sounds. I am 30 years old and just rambled on and on about a doll that was originally manufactured for groovy seven year olds. A doll that didn't even interest its primary demographic long enough to make it a year on the shelves in the US (which honestly boggles my mind. what kid wouldn't want a doll whose eyes change colors???!!! It beats the hair growing dolls by a long shot). I even bought Haute Doll magazine tonight at Powell's because it had a whole spread on Blythecon '09 in it. My obsessions have reached new heights and I can honestly see myself surrounded by Blythes. There is no help for me. I am following my grandmother and my great grandmother's footsteps and becoming a doll collector. It starts with one and next thing I know I will have a custom built doll cabinet with a crap ton of dolls crammed in it. It is in my DNA to do this. And while I may have dabbled recreationally in toy collecting in my past, when it comes to dolls, Blythe is my gateway drug.

No other family member in my generation have shown symptoms of possessing the doll collecting chromosome. I just hope that when J and I decide to procreate we have a girl. That way the hereditary doll collecting hobby will not die with me and I can have someone I can leave all my future dolls to.

Two Reasons....

2009-05-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

....why I haven't updated this in forever.

Have Faith and You Shall Receive

2009-04-05T21:21:00.000-07:00

One day, when I first started managing my store, I performed a locker search on my employees' lockers. First locker, nothing. Second locker, is my own so there was nothing special in there. Third locker, a bible. Whoa, never pegged one of my girls as a bible thumper so serious about the book that she has to keep a copy of it in her locker. Mental note to self, watch mouth and actions around Locker #3. The rest of the search turned up nothing half as interesting as the bible.

A slight while later, like a week or so, Locker #3 and I were talking and I casually mentioned the whole 'saw the bible in your locker' and found out that it was a gift to her from a little old woman customer and that she, Locker #3, having no idea what to do with a bible, threw it into her locker, hoping it would disappear. Even after I suggested some solutions, the bible still sat there for another few months.

This brings us to this past Friday. Locker #3 and I were finishing up the bathroom re-organization project (I have never been so proud of anything in my life as I am in the re-organization of my backroom and bathroom. That room hadn't been cleaned probably since the store opened back in '89). Anyhoo, since the lockers reside in the bathroom and Locker #3 and I were in there, the conversation naturally slid back to the bible hanging out in the locker. Laughing enthused but still I was not being successful in getting Locker #3 to remove the bible from the store. We continued talking/laughing about it as she gathered her stuff and left the store for the day.

As Locker #3 meandered out the door, a customer walked in. I went up to her, greeted her, helped her pick out some lotion and escorted her up to the register. She asks about business, I inquire in return and that's when it happens. I see how I am going to get the bible out of my shop for this customer just told me that she is a Pastor. I look her in the face and say "so I have this bible in the back..."

You never know what you are going to get when you come into a lotion shop.

Wedding Planning

2009-04-02T22:31:00.000-07:00

Planning my upcoming nuptials has been one of the hardest, most stressful things I have ever taken on. For those of you who are not invited (at this point I think that is just people I lost touch with in kindergarten (calling all sandbox pals, call me, I'll get you on the list)), J and I's wedding has gone from a small affair in our backyard to a 200+ person extravaganza. And while I do admit that I love seeing people's jaw drop when I say the premier location we have booked, I am just ready for it to be here already.

Lately, it has been all about dresses. It started a week or so ago. My mom came over to drop something off and casually mentioned David's Bridal. We log online, peruse the mom options and I stroll over to bridesmaid section to validate once again what a stunning choice of dresses my gals and I decided on (but want to make sure nothing even more stunning has since arrived). I click on the little terracotta colored square and start scrolling through the options. Hmm didn't see the dress first run through. Maybe I missed it. Go through the Terracotta options again. The dress is gone. THE DRESS IS GONE!!! WTF! I start going ape shit, my poor mother not knowing what to do at this point. I love my bridesmaids but I know that they haven't procured their dresses yet. Then i see it, the little link that says SALE. There they are, in limited sizes, on the clearance rack. I start calming down. I'll just buy their dresses myself. I call bridesmaid A, to confirm her size. Done.

And then I do what i consider to be my most bridezilla moment yet.

I call bridesmaid B, who is my best friend that lives in CA. She answers with this groggy, obviously stressed "Hun, I can't talk I am passing kidney stones right now and am a lot of pain. It even hurts to talk" Now most people would respond with something like "i am so sorry. we'll talk later. love you BF's forever and ever" but not me. My response is more like "that sucks but what size dress do you wear?" Yea, I said that. And before you can ask, yes, she is still in my wedding. I am a horrible person (and btw, a week and a half later my BFF is still in the hospital passing the stones). But the dresses are now in my possession (this is not without a mini meltdown in David's Bridal as well).

And then there was the debacle with the shoes for my mom's dress in Macy's and the whole anticipation of the shipping of the dresses (UPS didn't dare lose them as I think they could feel my wrath building if they so much as looked at my package wrong).

And then we measured me as my grandmother is hand making my dress. I have the most beautiful fabric and lace and picked a pattern very similar to the dress I like at the store. Um, yea...let's just say I somehow need to shed 3 inches from my gut and 7 from my thighs before we start with the sewing. And the Popeye's I had tonight complete with strawberry soda (ahhhh, artificial berry fuzzy bubble love) is not going to help me achieve that.

Now i am finalizing the cake colors. Do you know how much cake costs???!!!!! We are having a moderately priced wedding cake and i am looking at shelling out over $500 for it by the time it is delivered. People better love that damn cake. And take notice of the special server and knife set that we cut it with.

Next week i will be taking my flower girl's dress over to her house for a fitting. Hopefully I won't have to break down how a diet works to a 7 year old.

This Bride shit is STRESSFUL.

Idiots and the Lotion Pushers Who Loathe Them

2009-03-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

As a professional lotion pusher, I have daily interaction with a plethora of people. They are called Customers. Majority of cosmetic buying customers are nice, charming people that just need help picking out the right moisturizer for their skin type but at least a few times a week, you get the people that you wish you could just jump right over the counter and throttle (ala, Homer Simpson choking Bart). It is these people that make you wonder about the future of the human race and hope that they have never procreated because god help their spawn. So I now begin a series called "Idiots and the Lotion Pushers who Loathe Them"

Chapter 1: The Tale of the Campfire Barbie

This person has been nicknamed as such because from the back you see this skinny, petite body, decked out in the latest style outlined in Cosmo with blond hair scaling down her back and then she turns around and it is all you can do not to take a step back and gasp in horror. Her face literally looks like it has been melted as it is so distorted from all the plastic surgery. It is painfully obvious that this woman cannot accept that at 55 (or possibly 60) you no longer look fresh off the pages of Seventeen magazine and there is no surgery that is going to turn back the hands of time that far. She is totally craving the life of a 21 year old and is clinging to the party boat by her bad hair extentions. I think you get the picture.

Anyway...Melted Mattel entered my life one night on a day that had been very poor in sales about 15 mins to closing and had a return. Not just a $10 return but a freakin' $50 return!!! I just see all my KPI's disappearing before my eyes as she hands me two bronzers and now wants to exchange them (phew, a little better) for some foundation (yes, something to help hide that face) and tries to tell me how she didn't use them (lies, I tell you, lies). She has no receipt but I am cool with doing the exchange. She then proceeds to take her ratty old makeup bag out of her purse and pull out a compact that is dirty and covered in scotch tape. I can identify it (just barely) as one from my company and she is complaining that it broke (it is a powder foundation) and how she wants to return it as well. She then launches into this story I have heard before. A story word for word I heard just a month ago when a customer called with the same tale. A story I believed the first time around and allowed the exchange to happen but had told her it was a 1 time deal type of thing and to be more careful with her makeup. And I realize that this lady fits the description and is exchanging for the same makeup as the last one. The poster child for cosmetic surgery gone wrong is trying to scam me!

Now I am pretty brazen. I have worked with people way too long not to be and I know that if you come into my store, I will provide you with some of the best customer service you have ever received but if you try to screw my store, I make sure you know (in the nicest way possible) that I am on to you like white on rice. So I bring up the call in a whole "Didn't you come in a month ago and return some make up for the same reason?" I LOVE playing dumb even though I remember just about everyone who's come into my shop, what they've bought and their kid's ages if the imparted that information to me. Her deer-in-the-headlights look lets me know I struck a cord in her silicone soul. And out comes the defensiveness that only comes when you've been caught. People, your defensive reaction is the ultimate clue to us that you are trying to be shady as honest people don't have anything to be defensive about. I know she is wondering how I know it is her (hello, we talk about you when you leave if you look like your face was crafted from molten plastic) and tries to now tell me that the makeup was broken when she bought it. Riiiiiigggghhhhttt......I love when stories change mid way through as they begin to see that they need another tactic.

I remain adamant in my stance that I am not taking back this compact that she is obviously using (do not pull a return item out of your makeup bag in front of the cashier, idiot!). She then asks for the manager of the store and then in that very moment all the dealing with her comes to the culmination point. The very peak of the mountain. She wants the manager. I look her right in the eye and inform her that I am the manager and I am still not taking it back but she is more than welcome to call our customer service number. Yes, vindication and it feels awesome.

Now pick up your jankey, broke ass powder compact and get the hell out of my store!

Sudoko and Skiing

2009-03-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

Tonight I joined the ranks of all you smart people. I finally successfully completed a round of Sudoku (which I consider to be the game of geniuses worldwide). It all happened after putting the Brain Age game in my Nintendo DS for the second time since October (I am really working my brain hard here, obviously) and after trying it and wanting to chuck my DS against the room, it finally happened. The miracle of Sudoku found its way to me and the numbers unjumbled in front of my eyes and BAM (like Emeril throwing seasoning into a pan) it was done! After high fiving J, and resisting the urge to run into the street to share the awesomeness that is my brain with all of my neighbors (whom I don't even know and who would probably just think I was deranged as I stood on their porch babbling about Sudoku, Nintendo DS and geniuses at 11:30pm) I put the game down and truly drank in the moment. I finally solved a Sudoku puzzle. Now when I see people with their big, fat Sudoku puzzle books sitting at the local coffee shop, I will no longer believe that they are sitting there smug with the thought that they are better than all those who could not solve these little boxes of number glory, I will now look at them and see that they are trying to ward off alzheimer's as long as they possibly with fun puzzle stimulus.

Oh, who am I kidding, I will still believe that they sit there and think that they are better than everyone else who can't figure the puzzle out, but now I will be part of their ranks and we can think we are better together. Muh ha ha. Taking over the world one Sudoku puzzle at a time.

On another note....to all of you people who have asked me to go skiing or snowboarding in the past and always told me that it was completely safe (even though I have enough problems walking across an ice patch let alone strapping smooth board attachments to my feet and sending me down a hill) look at what happened to poor Natasha Richardson this week. She was on a Beginners hill, taking lessons with a professional (who, I am assuming, was not drunk like my peeps that would be who would be "teaching" me (i.e. laughing and pointing as I fell and couldn't get up)), fell, bumped her head and DIED. I stand vindicated in my believes that skiing or any snow sport is deadly. And I soooo like living way better than I would probably ever like skiing or snow boarding, so never harass me again about not participating in your reindeer games.

My Epic Battle with Weight and how the Weight is Winning

2009-03-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

When it comes to eating, today I haven't done so bad........yet.

Had lunch with the girls (salad with a little balsamic vinegar and olive oil and a half roast beef sandwich on rye (no mayo no cheese but a small smear of avocado), 6 green olives and iced tea) and that's about it. But the real challenge starts when J gets home. He'll get home around 6:30ish and I won't feel like cooking. Leading me only to one solution....fast food. Cheap and filling (and right on the corner), Taco Bell always gets my vote. My mind will think about all the veggies rotting in the fridge and the chicken (or fish) I have frozen in the freezer, but I will still grab my keys and say Si to a nachos bell grande and two cheesy double beef burritos (yes, I said two cheesy double beef burritos, I can't help myself) and even when I am waiting for my turn to speak to the lighted board, i will glance up at the fresco menu and for a moment (a brief glimmer really) I will consider at least ordering "healthy" fast food, but I will quickly avert my glance and see the oozing cheesy double beef picture and will hear myself automatically asking for three. Yes, I said I would have two but I will then say three before I can even think about what I am truly saying. I will then drive home and park myself on the sofa, and while watching the skinny plastic skanks on a rerun of Rock of Love Tour Bus and avoiding the eyes of my chihuahuas as the follow every bite as it enters my mouth, i will devour all three cheesy double beefs and the nachos bell grande. And then the guilt will set in......and set in some more as I literally feel sick to my stomach after eating so much crap. I know that i could just say no, stick to my guns and cook a nice grilled piece of chicken with some steamed veggies and maybe a teeny weeny baked red potato. (seriously, doesn't this just pale in comparison to cheesy double beef gooey goodness?) Hell I could even just have one burrito but I know myself waaaaaayyyy to well to even consider that a remote possibility. Constraint is not a strong point for me (well neither is willpower, but at least I am honest) but today I have not been bad....yet and just maybe I will be able to keep it that way. I can break this cycle. I use to have such strong willpower when it came to food that I have had numerous people tell me that i was their inspiration to just get up start moving and start eating and living a healthy lifestyle. But when I stumble, I crash and that's what I have been doing for the last 1.5 years, crashing. I am a total stress/emotional eater with a river of excuses as to why I have packed on 55lbs in a little over a year. I use to blame it on working full time and going to school all night but so much for that excuse since I graduated last July. I then switched my blame to how I loathed my job and sitting at a desk all day just kept me completely immobile therefore forcing me to eat junk food to ease my pain and not exercise but then I switched jobs. Now my excuse is that I work retail in a mall (hello sbarros!) and am constantly stressed since I run a store and am expected to keep making killer profits while the economy is in the crapper (do you know how frustrating it can be to try to sell $20+ lotions and potions to people who come into my shop and then tell me how they can get lotion at Walmart for only $4????? Word of advice people....if you know you can and like the lotion you can get at Walmart, then go to Walmart. Stay out of the freakin' mall. There is no discount lotions there. I have a traffic counter that I am judged against and every time you come into my store to point out I have a higher price point than Walmart and turn around and walk out, I have to consider you one more person I didn't "convert" to loving my product (yes, retail stores judge a portion of sales persons performance based on the amount of traffic compared to the number of transactions). And if you think that by telling me that Walmart is considerably cheaper is an eye opening experience for me and makes me feel guilty for being a higher priced lotion pusher, it isn't/doesn't. Hate to burst your bubble but it does absolutely nothing for me except make me hate the traffic counter even more. Word to the wise, if i could sell my lotion to you for only $4, believe me, i would as i would have droves of women lined up around the block, but I can't and I can't haggle with you either.) Okay back to excuses....but although I normally can blame it on all the people who annoy me with Walmart comparisons, i can't do that today either since I was off work today. I have had absolutely no irritating encounters and my store hasn't called me a million times for advice on how to do something, so I think today I will not give in to the Taco Bell temptation or the McDonalds siren call. I will not soothe my worried mind with a large m&m blizzard from DQ because today i really have no worries. And while I may not cook chicken and steam veggies, I will try my hardest to keep it healthy and not dipped in trans-fatty goodness. And while my mantra may be "you only live once, eat a hot dog!" I'll try to avoid hot dogs today too.

First time for everything, right?

2009-03-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

So never ever have I ever blogged or even considered blogging before but all of a sudden (or in retrospect over the last few months) the idea of writing to an anonymous group of people has grown on me and so here I am, a lotion pusher on the verge of sharing her insanity with the world at large (or whomever happens to stumble across this page). For clarification purposes, a lotion pusher is nothing dirty (get your mind out of the gutter or maybe its just my mind that is there) but a person who merely runs a cosmetic shop. Hence, being a lotion pusher. Use some lotion, you know you'll like it (and now I hear my friend Kim recanting Silence of the Lambs "It rubs the lotion on it's skin" in my head). And being that i have never done this, I have no idea how to start. Is there some sort of blog kick off party I am suppose to throw? Do I email all my friends and let them know that I am now writing everything online, so please stop calling me and texting because I will only communicate via the blog from this point forward? Is there a manual somewhere that I can read and declare as my new bible? Did anyone else have these questions when they started just typing?

The only thing I know for sure is that J (my better half) is going to be so proud of me. Well that is until I start blogging about him.